AGH!

I've got little bumps on my teeth as if each tooth has a serrated edge. My dental hygienist said that it is rare to see those bumps on adults' teeth because post adults grind their teeth and as a result the bumps grind down to nothing. My conclusion from that was that I manage my stress well.

However... sometimes, like right now, I feel quite stressed and overwhelmed by my workload. This happened a lot while I was a student at WLU, and it happens occasionally now in the working world. I got a lot thrown on my plate today and I'm feeling a bit snowed under. Incidentally, I've never experienced a November this warm and precipitation-less.

I needed to blog about this to take a minute to get a few deep breaths in and also to still my racing heart. One of the projects I just realized was in my portfolio may be overdue and so I'm freaking out a bit. But - I will figure it out. I will break the project down into manageable tasks and it'll get done.

Agh.

Getting to know all about you

Some people are surprised to find this out, but I am the definition of an introvert. This doesn't mean I'm anti-social or unable to carry a good conversation, it just means I don't really thrive off of social situations. I can hold my own at a dinner party, but after the party's over, I need some serious alone time to recharge my batteries. Another aspect of being an introvert is that I'm very strategic, you might say, about how I share personal information. I don't just blurt out things about myself and often take a lot of time before I feel comfortable enough with someone to tell them things about myself... things aside from the daily minutia, of course.

A new work place is a great example of this. I have now reached my 4-month anniversary of working here and only yesterday did I tell my co-workers that I have a girlfriend. I have been spending 40 hours / week with these people, chatting and working, and yet I didn't share with them until now that I have a girlfriend and, of course, that I'm gay. Some people would've shared this information months ago, but not me... for whatever reason I just had to wait for a specific time.

What I'm learning about the workplace though is that it's best to take your time. Just as there's no rush to have that condo in downtown TO, there's no rush for your co-workers to know every detail about your life... unless you want them to. What I mean is, no one is going to look back and say, "Why did you wait this long to tell us about yourself?" They're going to say, "It's a pleasure to know you now". Don't feel any pressure to put on some kind of persona just for the sake of it. Just be yourself and let it all happen. When you feel comfortable, it just feels so good to get to know people.

Convocation

I never went to my high school graduation. I probably would've, but I had already started working at a camp for the summer, so I just couldn't. The truth is that I don't normally care about occasions like that, but when my university convocation was about to occur, I figured it was time that I let myself enjoy some pomp & circumstance... plus, I thought my parents might enjoy seeing the end result of my 5+ years at uni.

Here's what I was shocked by: how proud I felt. I was practically beaming the entire time - especially seeing my parents and my best friends in the crowd.

You sometimes feel like university is just going through the motions until you're done... but it wasn't an easy ride, was it? It was hard work, stress, anxiety, and sometimes working your body and brain past their limits. Alternatively it was fun, and my mind was expanded to embrace new ideas, concepts, and issues, and my whole self was challenged to learn and grow and change...

University was an experience and I'm so glad I got to celebrate the official end of one phase of my life now that I'm in the next one. I deserved a little pomp & circumstance, right?

Comfort & confidence

If you've ever worked at the same place for more than a year, you understand that feeling of comfort and confidence in your work environment. You can have that feeling much earlier on, but once you hit the year mark, you've likely really found your groove. If you keep going and hit the 2- and 3-year marks (and maybe even longer than that), then the feeling just grows.

I took that feeling for granted at my last job, I think, but I'm pining for it now. I know it comes with time, but it's weird to be second-guessing myself after having had a spot so comfortable at my last job that I might as well have had an ass-groove in my desk chair (I might've, actually).

It's little things... knowing where office supplies are kept, saying hi to colleagues (and not knowing their names yet), becoming comfortable just popping into my boss' office to ask him for something. I got used to communicating in a certain way in my last job... for example, email was always a good way of reminding someone of something or arranging a time to meet. At my new job I realize that email isn't always the best way - my boss prefers that I ask him in person. It's all an adjustment, and after 3.5 months here I've still got lots to learn...

BUT, if I look back at day 1, week 1, month 1... I realize I've made huge progress since then, and that I'll continue to all the time. I already feel a bit of an ass-groove developing, and it's only going to get more comfy from here!

No rush

It is most likely that when you graduate you'll move somewhere. You very well may stay in Kitchener/Waterloo, which is a fantastic option, but I've seen that the trend is to move somewhere else. You're also most likely to move somewhere that is already familiar to you, say your hometown, or Toronto, which is familiar to everyone. It is also likely that you will know someone in the city/town that you're moving to. These are not definite things, but they are likely things.

I did an unlikely thing. I moved to a small town of 16,500 where I didn't know a single soul to take a job that I knew was worth taking a risk for. I haven't once regretted this decision, but I won't say that things haven't been hard... because they have. They've been pretty tough at times.

My life is pretty solitary. Luckily, I'm introverted and so that doesn't bother me much. Essentially, I get up in the morning, get ready, go to work, come home, relax-watch TV-go on the computer-eat-chill-read, and then go to bed. That's my life most days. It sounds boring, and sometimes it is, but that's how it is.

I've been working at my new job and living in my new town for 3 months now. For the first month I loved it; everything was novel and exciting and it was great. For the second and third months, it started to dawn on me that 2 years here (the length of my contract) is a long time. Will I make friends? Will I forge a social life? Will I want to move and then commute? Will I survive?

And then it occurred to me (with some guidance from my parents) that having amazing friends and family (even if they're in another city) and an incredible job and great apartment (even if they're in a boring town) is more than a lot of people can say. So what if my Monday-Thursday life is sometimes boring??? I can go home to T.O. every weekend to make up for it. More than that though, I'm young! I've got my whole life to socialize, but what about the importance of starting my career off right? It's better to pay my dues now (in terms of a less than ideal living situation) and wait until my next job to live in a more desirable city. Also, don't get me wrong, the place I live in isn't terrible... it's just different.

Anyway, the point is that after university, you don't have to zoom straight into what you hope your adult life will be like. You're still young. There's no rush! Do things now that get you on the perfect path for you and your ideal adult life will happen soon enough!

God, I sound preachy. You know that this entry is in part super therapeutic as I rationalize away my boredom... As always, take from it what you will!


**NOTE: While in Waterloo on Homecoming weekend, I did prove to myself that I could still party. However, within 2 days after the weekend I was sick as a dog -- sneezing, coughing, sniffling, runny nose, etc., etc. That said, correlation does not always equal causation. That's what I keep telling myself...

23 is not old

I’m back to the grind at work after my first real Homecoming weekend. I didn’t actually do any of the officially organized Homecoming events (tailgate party, football game, etc.), but I would definitely like to in the future. I just preferred to do it my way this time around. I still have a few friends in school at Laurier, so why not party the student way (vs. the alumni way) while I still can?

Speaking of which, this weekend showed me something great. I’ve always been incredibly annoyed when people say they’re old when they’re still in their twenties. Not that you become old at 30 either, but when you’re in your twenties you are most definitely not old. However, I have fallen prey to that mindset lately. As I’m working Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 every day, and not doing much aside from that (except on the weekends… and even then…), it’s easy to feel that I’ve entered a totally new stage of life. And of course, I have, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve reached a stage of life where I’m old. Furthermore, it doesn’t mean that I’m as far removed from my old stage of life as I might’ve thought before Homecoming weekend.

Basically what I’m getting at is that just because I’m now a working woman for whom 8 hours of sleep is pretty much mandatory (meaning Sunday-Thursday I should be in bed by 10:00 pm), doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be able to party on Friday and Saturday. In fact, I should party on Fridays and Saturdays.

I’m a 23 year old working woman and I proved this weekend that I’ve still got it, and I am most decidedly not old.

Do I miss it?

Do I miss Laurier?

I'm coming back to Waterloo today for the first time since early July. All things considered, that's not at all a long time to be away from Laurier, but after having pretty much not left the campus for any extended period of time for 5 years... it seems like a while.

I'm coming back for Homecoming Weekend with a fellow alumnus and close friend. This will be my first WLU Homecoming as an alumna, so that makes it a real homecoming, I guess.

It's made me think... do I miss it? What do I miss?

I do miss it.

• I miss never having to make plans because you're going to run into your best friends on campus at some point during the day.
• I miss long sessions at the library where very little gets done, but you laugh A LOT.
• I miss Waterloo -- it's a great city.
• I miss having your whole life take place in one location (job, school, fun, etc.).
• I miss being in a stage of life that will never occur again. One where your only real obligation is to write papers and go to class and learn.

Those were good times...
I don't miss everything though...

• I don't miss the stress of being a student.
• I don't miss being a factory of essays - sometimes writing (or at least finishing) 3 in 1 day.
• I don't miss being broke all of the time.

And, to put it differently, one thing I really really love about not being a student is the fact that when I'm done work for the day, I'm done. I can sit guilt-free in front of the TV, I can read a book for pleasure, I can go to bed early, I can take the time to cook a nice dinner... the list goes on.

That said, I really can't wait to be back in Waterloo tonight. However, I'm sure that by Sunday I'll be pretty excited to come back home, too.